i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
