is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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