please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
