Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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