I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
