Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
