White coat. Heels.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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