I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
