It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
