Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
