i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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