I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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