Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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