My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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