If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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