Sry I called you an 8
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
