ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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