It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
