he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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