My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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