I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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