I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
