Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
