im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
