I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
