you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
