can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
