Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
