He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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