i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
