Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You're a waste of cheezeits
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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