where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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