I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
