I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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