Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
