Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
