I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
