I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
