dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
