3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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