can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
