I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
