everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
