Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
why is half of my head shaved?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
