At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
