I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
