she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
