i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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