Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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