Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
