Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
