That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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