Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
