Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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