I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
