you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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