He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
