Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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