I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
