you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
