My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
