The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
